Our "bigs" are visiting their aunt and uncle and are therefore supremely happy. Our "littles" thus have had all my focus during their waking hours this week, and it's been something.
First came Monday. We had an appointment at the WIC office, and for some reason these folks insist on having hours that correspond exactly with nap for most toddlers. We had also planned badly and been gone all morning, so Genevieve had slept for maybe 30 minutes and James for even less. So they were wound up. More than you think. A lot. I'd changed them in the parking lot and was dumb and didn't bring in my diaper stuff, thus they both had stinky diapers within the first 10 minutes. That didn't start them out as children you'd want to be around! Plus, there was a play area where they were expected to frolic unsupervised while I went into a separate office to register. By the time I came back out 5 or 10 minutes later, they had managed to spread out about a hundred pages' worth of pamphlets all over the room, and the other staff were "looking for me." Yet they were the ones who insisted the kids would be fine playing on their own! Maybe other kids are... There were other horrid parts of that visit that I will not elaborate on, but I was thoroughly feeling like a rotten mom by the end of it.
I don't know the answers. You'd think that by my second round of this parenting thing I'd have a clue what to do here, but I don't. There's been lots of prayer this week, though, and that's a good thing! I do remember telling the Lord I had no idea what to do next with the first ones (as I often do with later stages with them now, too), and that's my only parenting "secret": Know and admit your own inability and weakness. Ask Him for help. A lot. Then pick yourself up and go back to work with the little guys.
And then there are other things that have gone so much better. James had been appalled at the switch from a crib to a "big-James bed" this week (and begged pitifully for his crib the first night, and then slept on the hardwood floor in protest! - it was killing me!), but it has dwindled remarkably, and he has really been enjoying the relative freedom of naptime play in his room. Genevieve has been listening better and obeying the first time with not touching things and/or putting things back. We've been working on cleaning up areas, too.
Then, this morning, I went to the grocery store with the two littles, and James walked obediently by the cart, not touching anything or being anything but a model young citizen. And Genevieve rode contentedly in the cart. It was beautiful! I can look for differences like nap not being an issue and not having been out with them much the rest of the week and such, but those only explain so much, because there have certainly been other times when the circumstances were similar but behavior was awful.
I used to prepare for airline trips with little ones by telling myself, "I'm either going to be learning about grace or humility." Really, I need to continue learning both in all cases.
I can't explain my older two, who get hugely complimented on their behavior nowadays, except that God gave me training wheels, parenting-wise, and gave us circumstances and conditions that shaped them and us (like homeschooling, and wise friends with good kids to watch, and living in cramped quarters with people in their 90s). I can't explain my younger two, except that I know the Lord is showing me new things about children and myself and Him, and how I am as His child.
I am verbally compliant but in my heart I want to see what I can get away with and not really change. I think I can sneak things, when it's all laughably obvious what I'm trying to pull. Yet in all this, He delights in me, never gives up on me, teaches me, is patient with me, loves me more than can be expressed. And I would not know all this as clearly without the object lesson of trying to be like the parent He is to me.
